The International

Interpol agent Louis Salinger (Clive Owen) and Manhattan D.A Eleanor Whitman (Naomi Watts) investigate one of the world's most powerful banks. Uncovering illegal activities that include money laundering and arms dealing, their investigation takes them across the world as they try to bring to justice a bank that will stop at nothing to continue to finance terror.

You must watch this film if only for the gun battle in the Guggenheim museum in New York - awesome! We watched this film a couple of months back and it was so impressive (not) we can't remember anything about it apart from that massive shoot out. So hardly a memorable film, then?

2 elephants

The Invasion

An alien life form attaches itself to a space shuttle that crashes back to earth. Anyone coming in contact with debris from the shuttle and therefore the alien life form, becomes infected and contagious. When they fall asleep their DNA is recoded and they are robbed of all emotion. (Obviously this happened to Nicole Kidman before the film started!)

If you can get past Miss Kidman's frozen features and Daniel Craig's hair (was it a wig???) there is a one in a million chance you might enjoy it. This remake starts off well enough but come the third act it just seems the script writers ran out of steam and just thought 'c'mon guys, let's wrap this up asap.' The resolution was pathetic. And while we're at it, Nicole Kidman's running -- well, she just shouldn't.

1 elephant (and that's being generous)

Inside Man

From a cell, Dalton Russell (Clive Owen) tells us he carried out the perfect bank robbery and invites the audience to watch how he did it. But while he was committing the crime he had to outsmart Detective Frazier (Denzel Washington) and just to throw a little something else into the mix, the bank's president had something in the safe deposit box he was eager to protect. Enter Madeleine White (Jodie Foster) a high-powered fixer or as we like to think of her role ' the token bitch.'

Not your run of the mill cops and robbers film. The plot was fast paced, smart and very clever. The only spoiler - Jodie Foster's role in it. It could have been played by any actor. As good as Jodie Foster is, somehow she didn't bring anything to this film. Nevertheless, we loved this movie for it's originality and are pleased to hear they are making a sequel.

4 elephants

The Shawshank Redemption

Based on the Stephen King novel the Shawshank Redemption tells the story of Andy Dufresne (Tim Robbins) a young and successful banker who is given a double life sentence for the murder of his young wife and her lover. At Shawshank prison he gains the respect of Red (Morgan Freeman) the prison 'fixer' and together they embark on a life changing journey.

In essence the secret of a good movie is simple. It isn't the cinematography, it isn't the direction, the lighting, the music. It isn't even the cast. It is quite simply the story. A good story has you enthralled from beginning to end. It makes you care so much for the protagonist that you hope and pray that somehow everything will turn out all right. A good story makes you hate the corrupt and feel for the broken. The Shawshank Redemption is such a story. If there is a list of movies you want to see before you die. This movie should be on it...no, it must be on it.

5 elephants

Seven Pound

Two years ago Tim Thomas (Will Smith) caused the death of seven people. In an effort to redeem himself he set about donating bits of his body. A lung lobe to his brother, a piece of his liver to a child services officer, a kidney to a hockey coach, bone marrow to a young boy. For his final donations he steals his brothers IRS ID and searches for worthy recipients. Ezra Turner, a blind meat sales person is to receive his eyes. Connie Tepos, a young woman, his heart. But to donate these final pieces he has to commit suicide and in such a way that his vital organs are preserved.

This movie should come with a health warning. Watching it will make you seriously depressed. It's basically Will Smith, with a strange, tortured look on his face, fumbling about, tears dribbling down his cheeks as he sets about fulfilling his quest. It was as if he was trying to get an Oscar by crying a lot. Never before have we watched a film that has left us so utterly depressed. It was pointless and unrealistic. One of the least enjoyable films we have ever watched and enough to turn anyone to drink to blot out the depression it yielded on any viewer.

0 elephants

Year One

When Zed (Jack Black) a pre-historic hunter eats from the forbidden tree and gets banished from his tribe, he takes with him his shy, awkward friend, Oh (Michael Cera). On their travels they encounter Cain and Abel, Isaac and Abraham, become slaves and end up in the city of Sodom. Here they find the rest of the tribe, including the women they love, Maya and Eema. Their goal is to rescue them, but first they have to deal with Sodom's High Priest, the King and Cain, who seems to pop up everywhere causing chaos in their lives.

Actors: Jack Black, Michael Cera, David Cross, Paul Rudd, Oliver Platt, Christopher Mintz-Plasse, Hank Azaria, Vinnie Jones, Kyle Glass. Director: Harold Ramis. Writers: Lee Eisenberg, Gene Stupnitsky. All this talent and you make this very unfunny, uneven comedy? This film is littered with stupid, puerile jokes and weak humour. It was as if they were relying on Jack Black to make it funny. Well, give him half a decent script and maybe could have. We'd like to say this film was rubbish, but at least you can recycle rubbish. This film was just pure, unadulterated crap. AVOID!

0 elephants