Seven Pound

Two years ago Tim Thomas (Will Smith) caused the death of seven people. In an effort to redeem himself he set about donating bits of his body. A lung lobe to his brother, a piece of his liver to a child services officer, a kidney to a hockey coach, bone marrow to a young boy. For his final donations he steals his brothers IRS ID and searches for worthy recipients. Ezra Turner, a blind meat sales person is to receive his eyes. Connie Tepos, a young woman, his heart. But to donate these final pieces he has to commit suicide and in such a way that his vital organs are preserved.

This movie should come with a health warning. Watching it will make you seriously depressed. It's basically Will Smith, with a strange, tortured look on his face, fumbling about, tears dribbling down his cheeks as he sets about fulfilling his quest. It was as if he was trying to get an Oscar by crying a lot. Never before have we watched a film that has left us so utterly depressed. It was pointless and unrealistic. One of the least enjoyable films we have ever watched and enough to turn anyone to drink to blot out the depression it yielded on any viewer.

0 elephants

Year One

When Zed (Jack Black) a pre-historic hunter eats from the forbidden tree and gets banished from his tribe, he takes with him his shy, awkward friend, Oh (Michael Cera). On their travels they encounter Cain and Abel, Isaac and Abraham, become slaves and end up in the city of Sodom. Here they find the rest of the tribe, including the women they love, Maya and Eema. Their goal is to rescue them, but first they have to deal with Sodom's High Priest, the King and Cain, who seems to pop up everywhere causing chaos in their lives.

Actors: Jack Black, Michael Cera, David Cross, Paul Rudd, Oliver Platt, Christopher Mintz-Plasse, Hank Azaria, Vinnie Jones, Kyle Glass. Director: Harold Ramis. Writers: Lee Eisenberg, Gene Stupnitsky. All this talent and you make this very unfunny, uneven comedy? This film is littered with stupid, puerile jokes and weak humour. It was as if they were relying on Jack Black to make it funny. Well, give him half a decent script and maybe could have. We'd like to say this film was rubbish, but at least you can recycle rubbish. This film was just pure, unadulterated crap. AVOID!

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The Sentinel

Peter Garrison (Michael Douglas) is a secret service agent and personal bodyguard to the First Lady of the United States, Sarah Ballentine (Kim Basinger) with whom he is having an affair. He finds himself embroiled in an investigation to an assassin plot against the President. Each agent is ordered to take a polygraph test and, because he has to hide his affair with the First Lady, he fails. Thus finding himself an unwitting suspect for providing information to the would-be assassins.

Rotten Tomatoes reviews this as a film as boring as watching ink dry on a U.N Treaty. Well stuff them. This actually wasn't that bad. Although it was slightly worrying that when looking at the DVD and seeing that the film starred Michael Douglas, Kiefer Sutherland and Eva Longoria...but somehow we'd never heard of it. Nevertheless, it was a good story, kept our attention and watching an OAP (Michael Douglas) beat up half of the U.S Secret Service was entertaining if not a little amusing. Watch but don't expect a classic.

3 elephants